YDPTB Chapter 86

It wasn’t just empty words to comfort Karhan. I mixed in a bit of humor to lighten the gloomy atmosphere, but I conveyed my sincere feelings to him.

I gripped Karhan’s hand tightly and persistently met his gray eyes. Though still a cold, colorless hue, the light they held was incredibly warm.

I’m not sure how long we stared at each other without looking away, barely a hand’s width apart. Karhan’s lips moved meaninglessly a few times as if trying to say something, then closed firmly. He hesitated for an uncharacteristically long time.

Sensing it was something important, I didn’t rush him, waiting until he was ready to speak. After a long wait, Karhan’s lips slowly moved, and he softly began to speak.

“I like you.”

I opened my eyes wide, staring at his lips that had ended the sentence so decisively. Did I mishear because it was too quiet? Although I clearly heard the sentence from Karhan’s mouth, I couldn’t easily react. As I remained frozen, staring at Karhan, his lips once again uttered the same words.

“I like you. Seol, I hold you in my heart.”

A ringing sound like white noise echoed in my ears. I still just stared at Karhan’s face, blinking. Silence enveloped the room, and Karhan’s rigid lips formed an empty smile.

Karhan, who had been sitting on the edge of the bed, slowly stood up. As his face rose higher, my head followed. His gray eyes, which had been fixed on me, blinked and then looked away. As Karhan’s body turned towards the door, our gazes that had been locked on each other became misaligned.

As I watched Karhan disappearing into the shadows, I unconsciously stretched out my arm and grabbed his wrist. I felt his warm body temperature and the firm wrist bone twisting as it moved. An awkward silence followed this impulsive action.

“…Ah.”

Why did I grab him? I’m not sure. I felt like I shouldn’t let him go like this, so my body moved before I could think. I gently raised my head to face him, and I saw Karhan’s wavering eyes. I noticed his eyelids trembling slightly.

Why did I grab him? I fumbled with my lips, but no words came out. Karhan, looking at me like this, smiled bitterly, whatever he was thinking.

“It’s alright. I just expressed my feelings, so you don’t need to worry about it.”

Saying this, he slowly twisted his hand that I had grabbed and pulled it away. My fingers, which hadn’t applied much force, fell away one by one, left grasping only cold air.

Completely separated from me now, Karhan was no longer within reach. He gradually concealed himself in the shadows and disappeared beyond the door. The room, now empty again, felt even colder than when I was trapped in Asmil’s house.

🐤

Asmil, who had let Seol go without any regret, carelessly rested his chin on his hand and swayed his crossed legs. He tapped his fingers on the table, tap tap, then spoke.

“Did you enjoy the show?”

Though his tone was infinitely light, his voice wasn’t entirely so. Asmil, who had been staring blankly at the table, turned his head and looked into empty space. Then something rippled like liquid before gradually taking human form.

“It’s been a while.”

Asmil greeted the still-rippling form that hadn’t yet fully materialized.

“Lyras.”

He uttered the name of a long-unseen friend. As he spoke with a faint smile on his lips, Lyras also curved his eyes slightly, showing an eye smile. Lyras, now fully materialized, naturally sat in the chair opposite Asmil. He sank into the backrest and slowly exhaled. Red eyes slowly scanned him as if recording the sight.

“Did you come to ask for blood?”

“No, I came to check on reality.”

Reality? Had he misheard something? Asmil’s golden eyebrows twitched. He looked at Lyras with a puzzled expression, but Lyras just shrugged without giving any answer. Finally, unable to bear the frustration, Asmil raised both hands and asked directly.

“What do you mean? Did something happen?”

“It’s just nonsense. Don’t worry about it.”

Lyras let out a small laugh mixed with a sigh. Asmil still couldn’t hide his confusion, but realizing that further questions would yield no answers, he closed his mouth. Lyras, fingers interlocked, spoke playfully, arching his eyebrows.

“Don’t torment him too much.”

“It’s my heart. If you came to force me, you can leave.”

Asmil replied in a slightly sulky tone, and Lyras’ laughter was heard again. Lyras was the only one in this world who had lived longer than Asmil. His tone and attitude, more like an elder than anyone else, made Asmil feel light. Lyras took in Asmil’s appearance and spoke, gently closing his eyes.

“I want you to live happily.”

“Even if you say that, I won’t give you blood. It’s my body and my heart.”

“Asmil.”

In the middle of their light conversation, Lyras’ voice dropped lower. Green eyes looked at Asmil with a serious gaze, and thin lips slowly parted.

“I’m not joking right now. Living like this forever, lightly, going with the flow, is difficult, isn’t it? If I were to disappear someday, that void of emptiness would grow even larger.”

Asmil’s red eyes darkened at Lyras’ serious demeanor.

“If you had someone to open your heart to, even a little, it would be easier.”

Their gazes met, and silence filled the space between them. Asmil briefly revealed the expressionless face he had hidden deepest, then smiled brightly.

“Lyras. You know well that for beings like us, the more we give our hearts, the greater the recoil. Why are you saying this?”

Lyras knew it well too. Long-lived beings get hurt more as the number of people they give their hearts to increases. Knowing this, neither Lyras nor Asmil had shared true affection with many. Lyras spoke with a bitter smile.

“Yes, that’s right. Because of that recoil, we sometimes make irreversible choices. Even knowing it’s wrong, it’s too late to stop, so we foolishly keep walking that path.”

Lyras spoke as if reminiscing about something, staring blankly. As his green eyes gradually lost their light and stared into space, Asmil tilted his head to one side and asked.

“…Are you sure nothing’s wrong?”

“I just couldn’t sleep. I’ve said what I came to say, so I’ll be going now.”

Lyras slowly stood up. He glanced towards the door, where one of Asmil’s bird people, whom he had raised for a long time, was standing. Golden eyes like jewels stared persistently at Asmil.

Lyras, lost in thought for a moment, moved his index finger, brushing his own clothes.

They were very similar. The eyes and gaze of himself in the dream.

Lyras stared at Asdion as if entranced, then blinked and scanned the room as if he had just woken from a dream. He straightened his bent back and fully rose from his seat.

Asmil narrowed his eyes and examined Lyras, finding it strange that his long-unseen friend seemed so unsettled. Only now did he realize that the area under Lyras’ eyes was darker and more clouded than usual. However, Asmil deliberately didn’t bring it up first. Lyras, using magic to conceal his appearance, waved his hand lightly in farewell. Asmil frowned at his disappearing form, which maintained eye contact until the end.

This is how long-lived beings are. Even when it’s obvious something’s wrong, they don’t open up in order to maintain boundaries. Not just Lyras, but Asmil himself was the same. They were beings with terribly tangled hearts.

A bitter taste lingered in his mouth as he turned his head. As he sat quietly staring at the wall, he heard Asdion’s voice, who had been standing silently by the door.

“If I could help…”

It was a small voice, but one filled with some kind of yearning. Turning his head to look at Asdion, he saw him approaching slowly with his hands pressed tightly against his thighs. When he was a couple of steps away, Asmil raised one eyebrow and asked.

“Help? With what?”

Asdion took a deep, trembling breath and spoke haltingly.

“I will try my best to become someone the master can open his heart to.”

Beneath his slightly raised head, sparkling yellow eyes were visible. Asmil noticed the eyes full of heat and narrowed his own, examining Asdion. A heart beating faster than usual, the sound of blood flowing rapidly through veins. Pupils more dilated than normal.

Having assessed the situation, Asmil blinked slowly and tilted his head. Resting his chin on the table, he asked in a bored voice.

“How do you plan to try?”

“That’s…”

“Want to try bringing that bird back again?”

It might not be so easy this time. They’ll probably be on high alert. He spoke provocatively in an intentionally light tone, swinging his leg as if uninterested. Through his narrowed eyes, his red pupils glanced to the side, and Asdion just stood still, unable to say anything.

As Asdion lowered his head again, which he had barely raised, his red hair covered his face. A heavy silence fell in the quiet space occupied only by the two of them, and a voice filled with heat, different from before, broke that silence.

“Am I not enough?”

The heat was anger. Finding it amusing how he was talking back unlike usual, so angry about something, Asmil gently curved his eyes like crescent moons. He looked at Asdion with a mischievous smile. The precarious silence, as if something might explode at any moment, was broken by Asdion’s voice.

“If there’s anything lacking compared to that bird, I will try harder.”

The story that broke the silence was about the small bird. Asmil knew that Asdion disliked bird people due to past events. But it had been quite a long time ago, so he hadn’t paid much attention to it, but it seemed the existence of the white bird was irritating him. Asmil snorted softly and said.

“You’re not lacking anything.”

“Then, why…”

There was nothing Asdion lacked compared to that bird. If anything, the white bird was more lacking.

Asmil’s mouth twisted bitterly as he looked at Asdion, who must have heard the entire conversation with Lyras by the door, yet whose ears were deafened by desire, filtering only what he wanted to hear. Was it the difference in lifespan? Due to their different perspectives, Asdion had failed to grasp the core of the conversation.

He and Lyras had both explained why he didn’t let others get close, yet… As if no longer interested in the conversation, Asmil rummaged through the bag that had contained food and said.

“I’m thirsty, could you bring me some tea?”

At Asmil’s indifferent attitude, Asdion, who had been standing blankly, spoke in a voice suppressing something.

“You know everything, don’t you?”

“Asdion.”

“I can do well. I’m better than that bird person—”

“You’re being particularly childish today. Go get some fresh air.”

Asmil spoke mockingly on purpose. At this, Asdion’s lips, which had been speaking frantically, closed tightly. The noisy space suddenly became chillingly empty. In the room now devoid of any noise, only the sound of Asdion’s violently beating heart could be heard loudly.

Asdion, his lips stubbornly closed, quietly turned his back and left the room. The sound of his footsteps, heavier than usual, revealed his state of mind.

Asmil watched Asdion’s profile visible through the quickly closing door. Seeing his face more shadowed than usual, he thought that he probably wouldn’t be able to drink tea today, trying to divert his mind from the nagging feelings.