YDPTB Chapter 58

As the fifth lap approached, feeling it was impossible to continue, I stopped in front of Karhan. I sat down heavily on the ground, supporting myself with my arms, then thought “Oh, whatever” and just lay down completely. As I blinked, breathing heavily with my breath coming up to my chin, I saw clouds flowing leisurely, unlike myself.

“No… no more…”

I raised my limp hand and waved it. Karhan, who had been standing and looking down at me, bent his knees and sat down. Then he reached out and brushed my hair that was stuck to my forehead. Being soaked in sweat, even a light breeze felt refreshing.

“It seems five laps is your limit for now.”

“Yeah…”

I’m sorry my stamina is garbage… I quietly closed my eyes. Perhaps because I hadn’t exercised in a while, drowsiness crept up on me. The sound of the gently blowing wind seemed like a lullaby.

As I was stabilizing myself, breathing evenly, I suddenly felt large hands massaging my legs. Startled, the drowsiness that had been pulling at my consciousness fled far away.

I opened my eyes wide and lowered my head.

“Karhan?”

Karhan was kneeling and massaging my legs as if it were natural. Although it felt good and refreshing, I wondered if it was appropriate for someone of his status to be massaging so casually outdoors. I quickly raised my upper body. I reached out and grabbed Karhan’s wrist.

“S-stop that.”

I stammered a bit, feeling somewhat embarrassed. I couldn’t match him in strength, so I worried about what would happen if he continued, but his movements stopped. His silver-gray eyes fixed on me blankly for a moment, then Karhan twisted his captured hand and pulled it away. I let out a small sigh and said:

“You don’t need to do things like this… It looks a bit odd if someone sees.”

Especially how would Doel feel if he saw this. I forcefully held back the words that were about to pop out sharply.

This was the open training grounds. If Doel’s colleagues or servants working in the mansion saw this scene, rumors would spread in the mansion, and naturally, it would reach Doel’s ears too. As someone supporting Doel and Karhan, I didn’t want such troublesome things to happen.

“I’m fine, so do it for someone else. Like Doel…”

I mumbled Doel’s name in a small voice. At that, Karhan’s expression, which had been looking at me, instantly hardened. His eyelids lowered, and shadows fell under his eyelashes.

Just then, a passing cloud covered the sun, casting a deep shadow over the training grounds. Perhaps because of that, I felt a sudden drop in temperature, and my forearms felt cool.

Thinking I should quickly wash up and get into a warm blanket, I tried to get up, but Karhan pressed down on my shoulders, making me sit back down. My plan to get up failed, and my bottom was stuck to the hard ground again.

Although he wasn’t pressing painfully, I couldn’t move my body freely. I opened my eyes wide and looked at my shoulder, held by the rather forceful hand, and saw that Karhan’s hand and forearm veins were bulging from how tightly he was gripping.

Feeling a bit scared as the situation seemed to be flowing strangely, I looked up at Karhan. His shadowed eyes seemed sharper than usual. Why does he look so angry? I lowered my head slightly, feeling a bit intimidated.

Then, watching his expression, I blinked my eyes rapidly. With no words spoken, I cautiously raised my gaze and opened my mouth slightly while assessing the atmosphere.

“Um…”

As I tried to speak, the chilly atmosphere made my throat feel blocked. Why is he angry? Did I bring up Doel unnecessarily? I’ve heard you shouldn’t carelessly interfere in others’ relationships, so maybe I was too hasty. He might have felt like I was mocking him. That wasn’t my intention… My eyes stung as I felt overwhelmed. Anyway, as I opened my mouth to apologize, an ice-cold voice fell on my head.

“Why do you always mention that name?”

It was a strangely thorny tone. Surprised by the sudden question, my slightly parted lips froze. I examined his face to understand the meaning behind his words, but seeing no emotion, my heart just pounded rapidly. Swallowing nervously, I answered:

“I… well. Because I want you and Doel to get closer…”

I barely continued with my stiff tongue, giving what anyone would hear as a clumsy excuse. My shoulder, still held, was starting to feel numb. I stuck out my tongue to moisten my dry lips.

“I’m sorry. I, um… I shouldn’t have interfered. I shouldn’t have—”

“Tell me why I should get closer to him.”

Karhan cut off my words abruptly, which he had never done before. Feeling as if I was being scolded, I tightly closed my mouth. Once closed, my lips seemed glued shut and wouldn’t easily part. An uncomfortable silence fell between us.

Although I couldn’t say anything for a long time, Karhan seemed determined to hear an answer and just waited quietly. Under the continued pressure, I unconsciously bit my lip lightly.

I don’t know what answer to give. To me, it was natural for Karhan and Doel to get closer. It was a predetermined future, a written future. But I couldn’t say this, so I asked in a small voice:

“Are you angry…? I’ll be more careful from now on.”

I tried to smile slightly to ease the chilled atmosphere a bit. The corners of my mouth that I had barely raised trembled slightly, but embarrassingly, there was no response at all from Karhan.

Maybe smiling in this atmosphere wasn’t appropriate. As I lowered my gaze, the corners of my mouth dropped as if weighted down. And I felt a bit wronged too. If he had a problem, he should say so. We agreed to be friends.

As I sat quietly with my mouth tightly closed, I heard Karhan’s faint sigh from above. Then he spoke as if he had given up on something:

“Enough. You must be tired, I’ll take you to your room.”

Finally, the hand oppressing my shoulder fell away. My shoulder felt stiff, as if I had slept wrong. If I lifted my clothes, it was obvious there would be red hand marks. I blankly stared at my numb shoulder, then shifted my gaze to the hard training ground floor.

I had hoped we could resolve why he was angry through conversation here, but Karhan had cut off the dialogue completely. My mouth tasted bitter in this situation where I didn’t know what to do.

I wanted to add something, but since I was ultimately the one who created this situation, I stood up without saying anything. It wasn’t a situation or mood for laughter, but I smiled.

“It’s okay! I can walk this much.”

When I spoke cheerfully, Karhan opened his mouth as if to say something, then closed it again. Then he nodded slowly.

“Alright. I have work to do, so I’ll go ahead. If you need anything, just tell the servant in front of your door anytime.”

“Okay.”

As I smiled with crescent eyes, Karhan also loosened his stiff lips slightly. Unfamiliar with the awkward atmosphere, I hurriedly turned around. As I lifted my feet that had been heavily stuck to the ground, I heard receding footsteps behind me as well.

Unlike last time, Karhan didn’t watch me leave this time but turned away immediately. Realizing this made my heart feel unsettled with a strange feeling.

As soon as I returned to my room, I prepared a bath. Even though I had only run for a short while, as I entered the warm water, all the strength in my body melted away. I blinked with my face half-submerged in the water.

The situation from earlier kept replaying in my mind like a video. I couldn’t forget Karhan’s eyes as he looked at me. That gaze, which seemed to blame me for something, disturbed my heart.

I guess I interfered too much. I had been bringing up Doel for several days, so it’s understandable that Karhan would be annoyed. Eager for them to get together before Atlena’s 3 days approached, I had approached too hastily. They would manage well enough on their own. I should apologize properly again when I meet him at the dining hall this evening.

I raised my face that had been submerged in the water. As I exhaled, the foggy steam that filled the space receded slightly and then returned. Looking at the water splashing around my chest, I raised my hand. While playing in the water, I noticed my reddened shoulder. The brothers are equally strong, leaving bruises on others’ bodies.

I washed my body thoroughly and came out. Perhaps because it was my first time exercising since coming here, my body felt limp and I collapsed. I was starting to feel too lazy to go to the dining hall, but since I needed to meet Karhan and talk properly, I left the room, trudging along with a miserable face.

I headed to the dining hall more slowly than usual. My legs felt heavy as if shackles were attached to my ankles. Groaning, I arrived at the dining hall and immediately turned my head to look around. It seemed Karhan hadn’t arrived yet. I exhaled deeply and sat down in my usual seat. It was right next to the topmost seat where Karhan, the owner of the mansion, always sat.

As I lay on the long table, I was reminded of how I used to doze off during every class in my school days. I was always tired from part-time jobs. Living as a freeloader at my aunt’s house, I wasn’t in a position to ask for pocket money. It was a life full of walking on eggshells.

As my eyes were closing while thinking these gloomy thoughts, I heard the sound of a doorknob turning behind me. I quickly raised my upper body and turned around. Karhan. I called out softly in my mind. Calming my pounding heart, I looked at the door with expectant eyes, but the person who entered wasn’t who I was waiting for. It was a servant carrying food.

It was strange. Usually, the meal came with Karhan, so why was the servant coming alone? With a suspicious thought, I examined the food on the tray and saw it was only enough for one person. I looked at the servant with a questioning gaze.

As expected, unlike usual, only one plate was set in front of me, and the setting was complete. As the servant who had bowed politely was about to turn away, I suddenly came to my senses.

“Um, excuse me.”

“Yes. Did you call?”

“Well… Why isn’t Karhan’s food coming out…?”

The servant who heard my question answered with a businesslike expression.

“Today, His Grace the Duke will be dining in his office.”

“Oh…”

So he’s not coming to the dining hall today. It felt like I had been hit on the back of the head.

Despite the plump meat on the table, strangely, I had no appetite. I had too naturally assumed we would meet in the dining hall, even though Karhan might not come. We had been dining together here for the past few days.

I raised my hands that had been resting on my knees and picked up the fork and knife. I slowly cut one piece at a time and stuffed it into my mouth. The meat juice that was always delicious tasted like nothing today, and the meat was tough as if I was chewing rubber.