CPAW Extra 14

“I think we need to talk.”

“…Go ahead.”

As I was sniffling and wiping away my tears, Matthias suddenly raised his head after ruffling his own hair.

“…First of all, I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?”

“My cell phone, it broke.”

“…It broke? How?”

“I dropped it from a high place. That’s why I couldn’t contact you. I even asked Absilon to contact you because I thought you might be worried. That jerk Absilon said he would!”

Matthias raised his voice, seemingly feeling very wronged. Then he immediately made an expression as if he was sorry and didn’t know what to do.

“I’m sorry. For breaking it so soon after you bought it for me. I’m ashamed.”

Matthias hung his head low. It didn’t seem like he was lying. The cell phone wasn’t really the problem. I could just buy another one. The real problem was something else.

“Do you like me?”

At my words, Matthias sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

“I admit I’ve been neglecting you recently. I’ve been preoccupied. But it’s a bit surprising that you’re doubting that…”

The introduction was getting long. I grabbed Matthias’ collar and pulled him close. As the distance between Matthias and me narrowed, his scent hit me strongly. Maybe it was because I had been drinking, but I could be more honest with my feelings than usual.

“Don’t ramble on about unnecessary things and say it straight. There’s no one else, and I’m the one you like the most!”

“No, how could I possibly meet someone else?”

“Don’t beat around the bush and just say it straight!”

“What’s that even… Sigh, there’s no one else. There can’t be anyone else. You’re the only one who’s special to me. I only have eyes for you!”

Matthias raised his voice so loudly that the room seemed to shake. I was so startled by his loud voice that my tears vanished. My hiccups had also stopped at some point.

“…”

The kids outside must have heard everything.

But since we’ve already started, we should talk about everything. I still had one more question.

“But why won’t you go all the way with me!”

“That’s…!”

Matthias, who had been answering every question as if he had given up, had his words stuck for the first time. Soon, his face turned as red as a heated kettle.

“That’s…”

“That’s…?”

After pondering for a long time, Matthias shook his head and opened his mouth.

“…I can’t say.”

The last thread of patience snapped. I grabbed his shirt and shook him, shouting.

“Tell me right now! Do you know how much courage it took for me to bring this up?”

Matthias kept his mouth tightly shut even as he was being shaken to the point of dizziness. Suddenly, an anxious feeling swept over me at his steadfast expression. Matthias grabbed my shoulders and spoke.

“Stop being so anxious. I don’t understand why you’re acting like this. Shouldn’t I be the one feeling anxious?”

“That’s ridiculous. Why should you feel anxious? When I’m doing so well!”

“Is getting your picture taken like that doing well?”

As if realizing he had said too much, Matthias clamped his mouth shut.

Normally, I would have ended the conversation long ago, but today I had no intention of giving up easily. I’ll cling onto him like a vicious dog and get an answer out of him. I lunged at Matthias and pushed him down on the carpet.

“Are you crazy?”

“Yeah, I’m crazy!”

I straddled Matthias’ stomach, grabbed his hair, and shook it back and forth. It was something I would never do in my right mind.

“Tell me! Tell me!”

“I feel like I’m not good enough!”

“Good enough? What do you mean? Do humanoids need a sex license or something to do it once?”

Matthias looked up at me, dumbfounded by my random remarks. Matthias grabbed my hand that was gripping his hair. My hand had already lost its strength at some point.

“That’s not it.”

Matthias opened his mouth as if he had given up.

“The reason I worked hard back where we used to be… It was partly because I wanted to rise in status, but also because I wanted to provide a comfortable life for you if you ever chose me.”

It was the first time I had heard him say such a thing.

“So when you left and the other kids went crazy, I… Despicably thought that it might be an opportunity. If I became a bit more, no, the best person during that time, maybe you would see me differently…”

A reddish hue gradually rose on Matthias’ face. I could tell he was feeling ashamed.

“But you chose to go to another world… I’m not blaming you for that. I thought anywhere would be fine as long as I could be with you. But…”

“…”

“When I came here and started living, it was a bit different from what I had imagined. There was nothing I could do. I was wearing clothes bought with your money, eating food bought with your money… It was comfortable, but I didn’t want that. I felt like the moment I got complacent and content, I wouldn’t be myself anymore.”

As I listened to Matthias’ words, I became a bit puzzled.

“What do you mean you didn’t do anything? You prepared meals, ran the robot vacuum, took care of me and massaged my whole body every night when I was in pain from rehabilitation. It was all you!”

“Those are things I’m supposed to do naturally. I wanted to feed you, dress you, and make you happy with the money I earned through my own labor. Just like you do for me!”

As I listened to his story, I briefly thought about Matthias’ original personality.

“Ah.”

Matthias. The only general in the empire who brought victory in numerous wars and raised the person he served to the position of emperor.

He was quite…

“Sigh…”

Patriarchal.

Feeling a headache coming on, I rubbed my cheeks and did a dry wash.

“But in this situation where you do everything for me, how could I possibly do such, such things to you just for my own pleasure?”

“No, I have to object to that. It’s not just for your pleasure, it’s for mine too.”

“It hurts! It hurt back then, and now…”

Matthias shook his head vigorously as if he didn’t even want to think about it. Both of our faces were flushed red, regardless of whose cheeks they were. I couldn’t tell if it was because of the alcohol or the emotions.

“I’m already relying on you to live, so I didn’t want a more enjoyable relationship.”

“So for the rest of our lives…”

I was about to retort, asking if he was going to live like that forever, when my stomach suddenly churned.

“Lee Hyun?”

Sensing that something was off, Matthias asked in an anxious voice. I quickly got up and headed to the bathroom. I even had the wit to close the door before Matthias could follow me, but unfortunately, the hotel bathroom had a distant toilet bowl.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay? Open the door for a sec.”

“…”

With Matthias knocking on the door behind me, asking if I was okay, I thought to myself.

When you drink wine and throw up, it’s purple.

***

By the time the flashback ended, I was brushing my teeth in the hotel bathroom in Amalfi. I muttered, looking down at the toilet bowl.

“It was a terrible day…”

As soon as we arrived in Amalfi, I had to stay in bed all day due to a hangover and motion sickness. I declared that if I drank again, I would be a dog, and I dutifully barked at the dinner drinking session that evening.

From the next day onward, the schedule hit in full force. Breakfast, swimming, nap, sightseeing, dinner. The days in Amalfi really flew by in the blink of an eye. I couldn’t believe we had to go back to Rome tomorrow and take a plane.

I wiped my face with a face towel and stepped outside. Matthias was sitting on the bed in his going-out clothes. Puzzled, I asked.

“Matthias, you didn’t change your clothes? …No, you did change. Are you going out somewhere?”

Although it gets cool at night, it’s hot enough to swim during the day, but Matthias was dressed in a shirt and even a jacket. He had even styled his hair back. I tilted my head, thinking he looked ready to go to a party, when Matthias asked me.

“Shall we go for a short night walk?”

“A walk? Sure.”

He must be feeling wistful too. I obediently followed Matthias out.

“Should we ask the other kids too?”

“…No.”

Unlike in Rome, we stayed in pairs at the hotel. Matthias and I shared a room, Ludwig and Absilon shared another, and Cesare had a single room. At Matthias’ words, I barely managed to retract my hand that was about to knock on the door of the room next to ours.

“Since it’s the last day, I want to walk with just the two of us today.”

“O-Okay, let’s do that.”

Feeling slightly bashful, I scratched my cheek. Matthias and I hadn’t had a proper conversation alone since that drunken night. Neither he nor I mentioned the conversation we had that night.

The awkwardness had greatly subsided thanks to Matthias diligently taking care of me while I was sick in bed. After I fully recovered, I was busy playing and swimming, and we would only come back late at night, barely washing up and falling asleep. Since it was a trip with everyone, we naturally conversed while hanging out with the kids.

As a result, an ambiguous atmosphere formed where it felt like we had fought but also hadn’t fought. I wondered if all couples just glossed over fights like this.

“It’s a full moon tonight.”

“It sure is.”

The full moon was high in the sky, scattering light on the beach, unaware of its own height. It was a scene that looked as if someone had created a path with pearls on a rippling black canvas. We sat on the beach and admired the night view presented by the sea and the moon for a while.

“Matthias.”

At my call, Matthias turned to me without a word. I hesitated for a moment before opening my mouth.

“Can I tell you a story about a friend of mine?”