BLDS Chapter 150

Shin Hae-ryang kept watch outside the elevator, while Seo Jihyuk was inside with the others. Baek Ae-young tinkered with the elevator’s internal panel and then called for Shin Hae-ryang. Shin Hae-ryang, who entered the elevator backward while keeping his eyes on the front, nodded at Baek Ae-young’s question.

“Should we go up right away?”

“Yeah. Right now.”

The elevator doors closed. As it started to ascend with a slight dizziness, those who were standing gradually slid down to the floor, clinging to the elevator walls. Tumanako leaned his head against the elevator wall and slumped down lifelessly. As if even breathing was bothersome, Tumanako spoke with difficulty.

“I’m tired. I want to go home.”

I too lost my strength and slumped down like a pile of discarded clothes on the floor. John Doe was lying with his back against the floor, as if he didn’t care how dirty the elevator floor was.

It seemed only the three members of Engineering Team D looked somewhat normal. My palms were sticky with dried blood. I didn’t want to think about anything. I just wanted to go home and lie down in my own bed.

And facing the reality that wasn’t so, I leaned my body against the elevator wall. I’m sick of elevators now. It’s the 21st century, why don’t we have winged transportation yet?

“Are you okay?”

It took me a while to realize he was asking me. I just rolled my eyes to look at Tumanako and said.

“I don’t think I’m okay.”

“Yeah. That can happen. You can’t always be okay.”

Even the Engineering Team D members were sprawled out in comfortable positions in the elevator. Especially Baek Ae-young, who was lying flat on her back on the floor, using her bag as a pillow. Seo Jihyuk was leaning against the wall with his eyes closed, hugging his gun. At a glance, he looked like a soldier sleeping in a trench. But knowing he was just closing his eyes, I asked Seo Jihyuk.

“There was no need to kill him. We could have gone together, couldn’t we?”

Seo Jihyuk lifted his eyelids and looked at me across from him. Then Shin Hae-ryang ordered from the side.

“Rest.”

At that one word, Seo Jihyuk closed his briefly opened eyes again. He was like a discharged robot. Shin Hae-ryang sat between Seo Jihyuk and me and said.

“I’ll answer instead.”

“Okay.”

“It was too dangerous to go together.”

“He was shot, his wrists were tied, and he said he would cooperate.”

“And his cooperation resulted in stealing someone else’s pad and running away as soon as the power went out.”

“But Mr. Hae-ryang’s pad is useless anyway, isn’t it?”

Moreover, if I’ve understood the engineer authority correctly, the current team leaders’ authority is completely useless. Only Michael Roarke’s pad could release the people trapped in West District. Even if Shin Hae-ryang gave his pad to Zhu Shi’an on Daehan Island, it would be tantamount to Zhu Shi’an getting a piece of scrap paper.

“I only promised to give it to him because Zhu Shi’an said he needed it.”

You led him to believe he needed something useless. And an injured Zhu Shi’an stealing one of Shin Hae-ryang’s possessions? It seems more likely to steal a gallbladder from a live bear.

“With your level of ability, you could have prevented an injured person from taking your pad or anything else, couldn’t you?”

“You’re overestimating me, Doctor. I’m just a scared, ordinary repairman.”

Shin Hae-ryang said shamelessly. In my personal opinion, this is probably the point where the people of the undersea base would have thrown a punch. You’re neither scared nor an ordinary repairman.

Look at Tumanako in that corner. That’s what a scared person looks like. He’s trembling like a rabbit exposed to the midwinter wind. Calm down. I’m not flustered by this situation.

“Isn’t an ordinary repairman too familiar with guns?”

“You’re too familiar with cult believers and terrorists, Doc. Usually, these two groups would be very frightening and detestable. You wouldn’t want to be around them.”

He seemed to be saying this because I had carried Sumire on my back or treated Zhu Shi’an. …Right. John Doe is here too.

“The only thing I’m familiar with is dental work.”

“The power outage was unexpected. As soon as the opportunity arose, Zhu Shi’an pushed John Doe, knocked over Tumanako, stole the pad, and ran away. We can’t continue to take these internal risks when there are external enemies. After you escape from the undersea base and when the Chinese investigation team arrives, please say that Seo Jihyuk fired at Zhu Shi’an under my coercion.”

If I didn’t know that the undersea base was a kind of extraterritorial area and that it was unclear which country’s authority would apply, I would have nodded and agreed at this point. I might have thought Shin Hae-ryang’s statement sounded reasonable at first glance. In reality, there would probably be no investigation, or it would be done perfunctorily and then fizzle out. If this incident was orchestrated by China, Zhu Shi’an’s death would be buried without a trace.

If I hadn’t known anything, I would have trusted and believed the words of Engineering Team D.

“Would you have killed him like that if Zhu Shi’an had been Korean?”

If we thoroughly examine where the roots of our trivial benefits come from, we can see how we might be wielding discrimination and violence directly or indirectly in parts of our lives that we don’t even recognize. I was born in a developed country, live near the capital, am a male in a high-income professional job, and have poured money into making my disability almost invisible externally. I believed I was well aware of the privileges I had. So, to live righteously, I thought I always kept in mind that the group I belonged to might not be a good one.

“No.”

…I rarely thought about having Korean nationality as belonging to a privileged group in my life. I never imagined I’d realize this in an undersea base full of people with guns.

Even while treating broken or cracked teeth in Deep Blue, I thought of these three people as kind and righteous strong ones. They say that when people are terrified, they take sides and stand on the side they feel safe on, showing absolute faith in the group that protects them. Did I believe that to feel safe?

If I think that my actions were one of the generosities shown to those I thought were weaker or inferior by clinging to a violent strong one. …It makes me feel sick.

While sadness washes over me at the thought that those who trusted the person they were just talking to shot him dead without hesitation, these feelings close to betrayal are known only to me. These people don’t know what’s at the root of this emotion.

I alone remember and know your other side. We spent time together to escape this undersea base, relied on each other, and tried to save each other. In that process, your lives weren’t something I could measure by efficiency or necessity.

If I had known from the beginning that you were a group that would kill someone for just taking a useless pad, I wouldn’t have given my heart, spent time, and shared bonds only to suffer alone.

I feel sad and upset.

I want to call someone and complain. Hey, I had a tough day at work today. I thought those people were good people, you know. But it turns out they’re only generous to people on their side, and they kill outsiders because they’re troublesome. From their perspective, I’m probably becoming someone who’s wasting time inefficiently by stubbornly insisting on helping someone who isn’t even Korean. I wanted to ramble on with such complaints.

No, come to think of it, I’m getting annoyed. The arm can rotate at the shoulder joint, you know?! If it doesn’t bend because of the elbow joint, shouldn’t you at least try to stretch it outward! Baek Ae-young looked at my tearful face, sighed, and said to Team Leader Shin.

“You knew he was someone who understood our internal circumstances well enough. Let’s stop this.”

“I wasn’t the one who came up with this long play in the first place.”

Baek Ae-young looked at Seo Jihyuk’s face and kicked his shin. His closed eyes opened immediately.

“Why kick! Use your words.”

“Let’s stop this.”

Seo Jihyuk raised the corner of his twitching mouth and covered it with one hand. Then he said in a voice tinged with laughter.

“Hmm. It doesn’t feel so good to deceive a kind person.”

Shin Hae-ryang spoke to Seo Jihyuk as if in disbelief.

“What? You should have done as you were told? Usually, you do as you’re told.”

“It was supposed to be a tone of feeling bitter about being betrayed by someone I spared once by disobeying the team leader’s order! Wasn’t that my best acting, chewing on loneliness and tragedy?”

“Oh, gross. You’re crazy! He thinks he’s the main character in a movie.”

Baek Ae-young grimaced and scolded Seo Jihyuk. The heavy atmosphere that had been pressing down on the elevator interior somewhat dissipated. Shin Hae-ryang suddenly asked me, who was still failing to come to my senses.

“You seem certain that I can naturally order Jihyuk to commit murder, and that Jihyuk has the ability to do it.”

“What?”

“You think the three of us are skilled at killing people.”

“What?”

“I thought it was strange from the moment you knew about my knife. I hid it well.”

“I thought it was a bit strange even before you said I’d get shot.”

“What are you talking about?”

Seo Jihyuk, with his head leaning against the wall, said to me.

“I didn’t kill Zhu Shi’an. Well. If I had to choose someone I want to kill, it would be Hao Ran and Wei Chi. Not Zhu Shi’an. Well. It’s not like he did anything to deserve death from me.”

“No. You just… shot him. He seemed to have fallen to the floor.”

“I did shoot his left calf from a distance. Why would I kill him when the doctor worked so hard to treat him? I was hoping he’d call some buddies to help him, but since he doesn’t have any, what can we do? He’ll have to crawl hard. The painkiller makes it not hurt, and the doctor showed him how to stop the bleeding once. He fell near the laundry room, so he can tear some clothes to stop the bleeding. He took the team leader’s pad, so he can call someone. If he lived kindly usually, there should be someone who would show him kindness.”

“But you said Team Leader Shin Hae-ryang ordered you to kill Zhu Shi’an.”

When I said that blankly, Seo Jihyuk answered with a sly smile.

“If the team leader had told me that, he wouldn’t have taken the first shot in the shoulder. Why would I waste bullets doing that? He would have been shot in the head right away.”

“If I could just kill and dispose of opponents as I pleased, I wouldn’t have bothered going around punching people.”

Shin Hae-ryang’s calm voice followed. Baek Ae-young spoke in a small whisper.

“The water leaking in the undersea base? We can just avoid it and get out. Crazy fanatics? (Baek Ae-young looked at John Doe and sighed) Let’s say they’re all like him. The engineers carrying guns that you mentioned in the broadcast are almost all trapped in West District. So what do you think we’re most curious about now?”

Shin Hae-ryang, Seo Jihyuk, and Baek Ae-young all looked at me. I felt like a herbivore surrounded by three predators. Being in the elevator, there was nowhere to escape.

“I, Seo Jihyuk, and Baek Ae-young are contracted as engineers. The experiences listed on our submitted resumes are written as such, so to an outsider, we would just look like civilians engaging in eccentric behavior. But you already know why we came to the undersea base, don’t you, Doctor?”